Little Ways To Be Yourself Again

I have lost myself enough times to feel pretty confident in telling you that every time you lose yourself, you always return stronger. You return more aligned, more dedicated to self, more aware of the reasons you got lost in the first place, and most importantly– how to return if it ever happens again.

I had the biggest heart and head imbalance of my life at the end of 2021. I felt as if I was grieving 3 different versions of me, as well as people in my life, and I felt as if there was no returning to my old self, when she was desperately all I wanted to be.

But let me let you in on a little secret. Finding yourself never truly means returning to an old version of you. It means creating a new one. Returning to an old version of you is a sure fire way to lose yourself more quickly, but creating a new one will give you an opportunity to push back into the world more wildly and lovingly than before. The newer version of you will be exactly who you need to be. Like a snake shedding skin, your layers also need to molt. As uncomfortable as it is, it’s just a necessary part of growth.

So, how exactly does one willingly strip away all that isn’t serving them? How does one find their course again after being knocked right off of it? How do we return to ourselves when it is the self that might seem foreign?

Here are some of the things that I have found helpful over the past 130948 times that I too have been knocked off my own course of life. Take or leave what you deem helpful or useless, for my journey is not your journey. But maybe just one will help, and that is enough.

  1. Truly prioritize time for you. This might seem like a no brainer, but I need you to hold firm boundaries with this one. Set a realistic time where you get to do something for yourself every day- something you ACTUALLY enjoy. Don’t love going for runs? This isn’t the time to commit to running for one hour a day every day. Love binge watching TV and eating your favorite snack, but usually kind of feel like crap after? Also not talking about that. Find what brings you true joy, what really makes you feel good, and carve 10-60 minutes out of your day to do it. For me, it’s my slow morning routine. I love having an hour in the morning to sip my coffee, light a candle, write, and just be. This time of the day is critical in my alignment to self.
  2. Lean in to your true support system. I am very much a I can fix this on my own type of person, and yet I have some of the most loving and supportive people on the planet in my corner. When I get disconnected from myself, I don’t lean in to them the way I should. They don’t need to solve any of my problems, in fact, they shouldn’t- but I always feel better when I take time to connect with them, it gets me out of my own head and back into reality of what is important in life. This also isn’t a cop out for them to fix your life for you or to offer advice, that work is an inside job. But they are there for you in all of the steps that you take. It feels good to have a safety net when you are on the edge of crashing and burning.
  3. Sit with your values. Once again, a simple thought, but something not many of us do consistently enough. If you have worked with a therapist, chances are you have had the value talk. I want you to get really clear on what your top 5 values are (in life, in relationships, in personal growth, etc.). However you want to categorize them. What are your values and how are you living with them in your own life? Or are you even doing that? Start there.
  4. Learn to live in nuance. This is my favorite, yet most challenging one, for me. Life is rarely a black and white, simple true or false reality. The sooner you can allow multiple, sometimes contradictory, feelings to exist within you- the closer to peace you will be. Accept that multiple truths can exist within one heart. This is the art of being human. Accepting and allowing nuance. I truly believe the more at ease we can be in empowering the grey areas in life, the more joy, appreciation, and gratitude we will experience.
  5. You are not a tree. An oldie, but a goodie. You are not a tree, you do not have to stay where you have been planted. However that analogy might find you- ask yourself this: where in your life are you feeling stagnant? Identify and plan. Uproot yourself, replant, water, nourish- and bloom. And guess what- if that didn’t work? Repeat the cycle. Life is not a search for the perfect destination. Each destination has an expiration date, so when you reach yours, acknowledge it and reroute.

In my humble and stubborn opinion, disconnection, whether internally, externally, or both, is one of the most uncomfortable feelings that we as humans are faced with. The bad news? No emotion or experience lasts forever. The good news? No emotion or experience lasts forever.

If you are feeling a bit lost or disconnected, I hope you know that there is power within you to create newness in your life.

It’s not an easy task, but quite a necessary one.

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